Tuesday, July 10, 2007

The Inner Life of Sex:
Peripheries of Desire

I'm starting this here, because while this post isn't NC-17, it will rapidly head there.

One thing to get firmly in mind, is that every woman is different, as every man is different. Every night is different. What drives me wild one night, will hurt on another. Learning the map of a woman's desire, and learning the nuances of the evening, are the first skill of the intrepid sexual oral adventurer. In this, I think, men and women are the same. Our moons of desire have many phases and faces.

However, my experience is that there is something that is different between men and women. For a woman, it is more important to get her body to tell her mind that you are the one, than to directly try and press the matter. Many men worship size, because in their minds, they think that if they can stretch a girl out, then she won't be satisfied with less. There are girls who worship size out there, and endowment of the right fit is certainly a plus. But the size script, of the man stretching the woman out, gets it in reverse. Yes there is a very particular feeling to having a man who is just slightly larger than you can accomodate easily, but that feeling comes not because he is larger than your last lover, but because of the inner life of sex.

You see, if I don't want you to be the one, I can be tight for the next man in my life just by waiting a few weeks and doing some kagels. I know tight feels good for a man, but being tight isn't what makes sex good for a woman. Instead, being tight is a sign of the body embracing, not a sign of the body being pushed. Even rape fantasies turn on something simple: wanting it, underneath it all, wanting it.

This means that people who, rl or sl, try and simply force the issue by say, emoting or by say, just pushing ahead when it is clearly too early, aren't creating that deep need in a woman, but are, instead, coming off as ... um ... a bad cocksman, and selfish as well. I don't know where the script of "stretch her out marks her as your territory" came from, but it is simply reversed. You aren't going to win a woman by stretching her out, but instead, by wanting her to wrap herself tightly, tightly, tightly around you, hold you inside. For ever. Never letting gone, never leaving. It is that hope forever which is sweet, and tingling. Since men, I know, hope for it as well, it is only a matter of bridging that gap.

So realize that approaching the corners of erogenous zones is essential. Let me take one example, along the inner thighs, if you kiss them, and it causes my muscles to tighten, it pulls on me. Suddenly, it isn't just you, it is my body telling me "this is the one." Ask women who have conceived, many will tell you that there was a whole body experience with the man who was the potential father. Make my body pull on me, make it stretch me, make it tease me, and I will be the right size for you, or will have sex with you until it does work.

So don't just think pink, kiss and tease, so that muscles tighten, that skin becomes flush and warm. Remember that under a woman's skin is a layer of fat, and thus the skin is often cold, the sign of good insulation. A woman's body also pulls blood into the center faster. This means we are less likely to have hypothermia, but it also means that our fingers and toes often feel like ice. Muscle's rippling and skin heating, digits flexible and flush, so common and easy for a man in his prime, is a different experience for most women. When combined with erotic sensation it feels... it feels as if your spirit has broken through your skin. But often it doesn't need to be that spiritual to feel very, very good.

Don't knock it boys, more than one man has been saved by having warm feet on a cold night.

This is particularly true of those "secondary sex characteristics" that catch your eye in a swim suit. What are breasts and full hips? Well to be blunt for a moment, they are well sculpted fat. Which means that making them warm is mmmmm a good thing.

By warming the skin around the pinnacle, it makes reaching it that much more, more, more.

These sensations create a small web of details, details that all begin to sing out the same desire, and spell out the same name. And if you know how to write on the skin as a canvas, that name can be yours. So lick long up and down the spine, kiss the curves of the waist, and spiral towards the nipples. Kiss the neck, the ears, and every part where blood may come to the surface, because it is this welling up of life that starts moving the deep waters of desire that you crave so much.